Kidnap me.
I don't wanna be here.
I'm surrounded by zombies, puppets....

And now my eyes are leaking.

I just wanna go back, and have something....normal.
Something familiar.
Something that loves me, that accepts me.
Why do you all have to be so fucking far away?
Why am I drifting?
Why can't I put my thoughts together?

How come I don't know who I am?

Come kidnap me.

I can't help but feel like I'm so lucky.

From those warm nights that hold the sweet taste of happiness, to the days where I bask in the sun of this everchanging world. I'm not going to lie that I've been having a lot of morbid thoughts, and a lot of sexual thoughts. However, it's all part of finding myself, isn't it?

You and you and you and you and you.

I love every one of you, body, mind and soul. Have you any clue how important you are? From he who plays guitar for me in the middle of the night, to she who I share so much common ground that it scares me.

I want to stay in this happiness.

Because it makes me realize how wonderful everything really is.

PEACE.

<3

But I feel like it. XD

So much has gone on, I don't even know where to start.

I've been meaning to post for a long time, buuut...yeah, I just haven't gotten to it.

I'm a bit pissed off at the moment. Long story...I ain't gonna tell it right now. Maybe later.

School has been hell. Home has been....a little better, but right now it's hell.

I want him. I need some comfort. I need to be in his arms, complaining, having him turn everything around. It sounds completely stupid to me, but that's how it works.

I promise I won't neglect my LJ anymore...I've just been using it to look at Miyavi communities. ^^;

I also feel like I should post some of my new art soon. Possibly pictures, too?

Gah, I seriously don't know what to say.

I'm tired. I'm disappointed. There's a feeling in my gut that won't go away. Something is wrong. She shouldn't be with this guy. My SISTER. My fucking SISTER. She's 30, shouldn't she notice that this ain't right?

Dayumn. I feel some intense family drama coming up...

But, uh, school update. I found the only other Japanese rock and Eddie Izzard fan in the whole fucking school. Perhaps town, too. FUCK YEEEES. So that's happy. He also introduced me to my new guilty pleasure: T.M. Revolution. Can you believe I didn't listen to him yet? Wow! I've been fuckin' missing out.

Oh, also I cut my hair. Again. By myself. XD Because...I'm cheap. (It's true!) I tried to make it hide-like, but that's kinda hard since my hair isn't hot pink and straight. Well, I did the best I could.

And I finally got out of my artist's block. New pictures, new poems, and....a novel? Yep, I'm trying to write a novel.

I am a BUSY BUSY GIRLLL.

Well, sorry, this is kinda rushed. I should talk more about stuff. But I kinda don't know what to say. Uhmm, but I'll update more. Even though, y'know, only like....two people read this? XD

Peace. <3

Well, don't we all? But I haven't been remembering my dreams again until just recently, and they're stronger and more clear than ever. Before, it took a while for me to figure out the deeper meaning behind my dreams, but this one was clear as day.

Although, I went to sleep hoping I'd get a sex dream...hahahaha! XD That didn't happen.


Now, I think a lot of the dream had to do with my mom having told my sister that my autistic nephew should be put in an institution. Of course that hurt me too. He's worse than my brother, but I don't exactly think he should be in an institution. My sister cried for hours.

But the other part of it had to do with my self-realization. How much I've changed since I was younger. Of course I still like a lot of the same things. Of course I'm still kinda quiet like I was back then. And I still haven't "grown up" yet. But I'm not the same person at all. And I still hold some self-loathing in the fact that I had done some pretty dumb things in the past due to ignorance and a yearning to be loved. But I know now how much I've changed and I can smile because of that.

I'm just not her anymore. :D

Summer's almost overrrr~

Almost over, yaaaay~

I sound really fucking weird, but I hate summer. And even though I'm the new kid, I'm looking forward to starting school. Even though everybody will probably hate me and I only know one kid there and he's not in any of my classes. At least I'll have something to do.

I am so fucking glad that I'm not the same as I was in 7th grade, when I made my second major move. I'm glad that I didn't become an emo kid this time, and glad that I'm more open to new experiences. Not that I don't hate moving, because I do. I didn't want to leave some of these people behind, especially since they helped me grow into a more optimistic, positive person. I have a more clear perspective on things. I've been able to start finding out who I am. But of course, this is a chance for a new beginning. In Madison, I definitely started out on the wrong foot.

So I'm the Harajuku kid this time; gonna be barging into class with a smile, Gwen Stefani shoes, Sex Pot Revenge pants and a frilly shirt.

I'm so curious as to what this year will be like.

Good thing it's almost time to find out.

I really feel as though I should say who he is.

I'm scared. :x

...that I will never stop chewing on my lip.

Dammit!

And it was slightly less painful than I thought it would be.

Not that I found any kids I particularly liked, but everyone was really cool and nice to me. I wasn't expecting that at all. Maybe it's because I'm much less antisocial than I was the last time I moved.

I have a combination lock! Ahhhh, I almost forgot how to use one of those since my old school (James Madison Memorial) gave me a key lock. But like I said, everyone was cool and nice...and helped me out. Wow. Not the sort of vibe I usually get from rich kids...I was surprised...

I got my schedule.


So, yeah, I have to take French (no Japanese or Chinese! *sob*), which kinda sucks but at least I'll have a bunch of people to help me.

And on the way out, they were selling Jamba Juice! Major yay! They scored a point with me just for that.

OMGACKT, time to decorate my school stuff! Yay!

...when I like the fact that my boyfriend lives in another country. Now is not one of those times.

OMG I can't use his real name or the name he goes by...whoreeeeeee, augh.

I miss our bubbles baths and talking about nothing. And him randomly shedding clothes. And cuddles. And...cuddles (if you know what I mean). And just waking up buried in his chest, then looking up and seeing his face.

It's clear in my mind that this is the man I want to marry.

Someday, I will. :D